SOURCE: www.alternativereel.com 

Mr. Mom [1983] – Writer
“My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows . . . an I’m liking them! I’m losing it.”

 National Lampoon’s Vacation [1983] – Writer
“I think you’re all fucked in the head. We’re 10 hours from the fuckin’ fun park and you want to bail out. Well I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much fuckin’ fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah’ out of you’re assholes! I gotta be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!”

Sixteen Candles [1984] – Writer/Director
“Donger’s here for five hours and he’s got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I’m like a disease.”

The Breakfast Club [1985] – Writer/Director
“But face it. You’re a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you be doing if you weren’t out making yourself a better citizen?”

Weird Science [1985] – Writer/Director
“You know, there’s going to be sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll . . . chips, dips, chains, whips . . . You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing.”

Pretty in Pink [1986] – Writer
“You know, it’s so insane that someone you’ve never met, never talked to can be your enemy.” 

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off [1986] – Writer/Director
“Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Some Kind of Wonderful [1987] – Writer
“I’m here to kick your ass, and you know it, and everybody here knows it, and above all, you deserve it. In fact, I think it’s safe to say this party is about to become a historical fact.”

Planes, Trains & Automobiles [1987] – Writer/Director
“The last thing I want to be remembered as is an annoying blabbermouth . . . You know, nothing grinds my gears worse than some chowderhead that doesn’t know when to keep his big trap shut.”
 
The Great Outdoors [1988] – Writer
“Chet is gonna shit a solid gold brick when he sees us.”
 
Uncle Buck [1989] – Writer/Director
“How would you like to spend the next several nights wondering if your crazy, out-of-work, bum uncle will shave your head while you sleep? See you in the car.” 

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation [1989] – Writer
“We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.” 

Home Alone [1990] – Writer/Director
“Guys, I’m eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!”

“Whenever a poet or preacher, chief or wizard spouts gibberish, the human race spends centuries deciphering the message.”
—Umberto Eco, Foucault’s Pendulum, 1988